i'm old and i need to wear these now

this is a real book, i shit you not

idol summary

from ew.com tv watch:

Number of Donna Summer tracks performed by the seven remaining finalists: 3

Number of times Randy Jackson attempted to pass off the phrase ''you can sing'' as a legitimate critique of contestants in what's still ostensibly a singing competition: 4

Number of times Kara obviously rephrased Randy's critique as part of her own feedback: 3

Number of times the word ''artist'' was uttered by the judges and/or Lil Rounds following her cover of ''I'm Every Woman'': 5

Number of performances we've seen during this year's Idol finals: 65

Number of times Kara confused Saturday Night Live with Saturday Night Fever: 1

how do you say banana daquiri in spanish?

these come to you courtesy of my new old friend peter from north cliff school.

indian cow farts

i swear i didn't make this up:

By burping, belching and excreting copious amounts of methane - a greenhouse gas that traps 20 times more heat than carbon dioxide - India's livestock of roughly 485 million (including sheep and goats) contribute more to global warming than the vehicles they obstruct. With new research suggesting that emission of methane by Indian livestock is higher than previously estimated, scientists are furiously working at designing diets to help bovines and other ruminants eat better, stay more energetic and secrete lesser amounts of the offensive gas.

a short, squat wrestler in a poncho resembling the Mexican flag

read here about the angry spicy little messicans

are you angry?

there's a "store" in san diego that's called sarah's smash shack...this woman was angry that her husband left her and she just started throwing shit around...so she opened this place so other people could throw shit too!

"For around $25 a head, Lavely provides dishware, protective gear and the felt-tipped pens that people use to write on the plates they then violently fling at the walls."

here's the article...interrrresting.

i am not alone

this is retarded

Special Olympics takes on use of 'R-word'

(CNN) -- An unexpected and sudden spotlight on the Special Olympics, an organization that for more than 40 years has served and honored those with intellectual disabilities, comes less than two weeks before the nonprofit launches a new campaign: Spread the Word to the End the Word.

March 31 is being billed a "national day of awareness," a call to Americans to recognize and rethink their use of the word "retard," or as the organization would prefer, the "R-word."

http://www.r-word.org/

p.s. i know i'm going to hell...oh wait, jews don't have hell...retard retard retard.

wtf nj

NJ May Ban Brazilian Waxes

New Jersey's board of cosmetology is pushing for a ban on Brazilian bikini waxes, a popular salon treatment that removes all hair in the genital area using strips of hot wax. Why? Two New Jersey women were hospitalized for infections after receiving the treatment. Genital waxing has never specifically been allowed, but because no direct ban exists most salons provide the service, which their owners say is a big money-maker. Salon owners are predicting that women will seek their bare-it-all fix across state lines.

HELLO!!!

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN TO APPEAR ON "THE DAILY SHOW"

Bruce Springsteen will be doing a solo performance of his new album's title track, "Working on a Dream" on the "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" today (March 19) at 11:00 p.m. (ET/PT) on COMEDY CENTRAL. Bruce Springsteen's performance will be available online the following day at www.thedailyshow.com.

i bet i can cheer andrew up

clever way to give notice

funny dictionary finds, parte dos

is it just me or do you find it hilarious that there's a specific word for shyster notary???

Colmillo: eyetooth
Colactaneo: foster brother
Estropajo: slovenly
Gluglutear: to gobble
Bembo: thick lipped
Amojonar: to mark off with landmarks
Soplete: blowpipe
Tasajo: jerked beef
Donjuan: four o clock
Flinflanear: to tinkle
Gozque: little yapping dog
Zullar: to break wind
Zurupeto: shyster notary
Robot: robot

elevator headline or cartoon plot

"scientists create laser to kill mosquitos"

you make the call...

awesome quiz

let me know your score from this

real housewives of nyc

To explain the unique ridiculousness of Alex and Simon to someone unacquainted with this show, I'd present this snippet of dialogue from the scene of them packing for their Caribbean vacation:

ALEX: I probably don't need the denim ball gown, as much as I love it.
SIMON: I'm going to take these pink jeans.
ALEX: Are you taking your pink loafers too?

soooooooo bored

i've been home with a sinus infection for 2 days so far, and when i was too congested to sleep last night, i picked up the informative spanish/english dictionary and found the following words that i thought i'd share with my 3 readers:

Folgo: foot muff
Petimetre: dude, sport, dandy
Quebrantaterro: clodhopper
Quiquido: constipated
Embolar: to put wooden balls on
Eyacular: to ejaculate
Largatija: wall lizard
Mechon: cowlick
Nagualear: to be out looking for trouble all night

mmm...aragorn

American Film Institute's top 10 movie quotes

what would you change? add?

1. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." -- "Gone With the Wind"

2. "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse." -- "The Godfather"

3. "You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am." -- "On the Waterfront"

4. "Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." -- "The Wizard of Oz"

5. "Here's looking at you, kid." -- "Casablanca"

6. "Go ahead, make my day." -- "Sudden Impact"

7. "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my closeup." -- "Sunset Blvd."

8. "May the Force be with you." -- "Star Wars"

9. "Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night." -- "All About Eve"

10. "You talking to me?" -- "Taxi Driver"

Source: American Film Institute

almost live blogging during idol wildcard

* tish doesn't like what the first girl is wearing. i just plain don't like the first girl. acting sexy doesn't make you sexy

* i'm not a fan of the over-the-top runs but dualing piano guy is killin' it!

* black horse and the cherry tree is the "jamsiest" song around. i guess...

* i hope to be myself too, von. BEGINNING to become boring? nuh uh. always has been. ok, buh bye von.

* if all these contestants were able to pick the "right" song this time, why didn't they pick that song the first time?

* ricky braddy is very very good. but every time i hear his name i think of ricky bobby and the pre-meal prayers to baby jesus.

* self-indulgent is the new pitchy

* i'm DREADING seeing tatiana. GO A-FUCKING-WAY. ENOUGH. seriously, PLEASE.

* this show is monumentally better when i can fast forward thru the commercials and the judges' bullshite

yay!

congrats to andrew and harley on the birth of jack abrevaya heller!

welcome to the world, jack!

live blogging during american idol

* i hate the judges and how ryan introduces them every single episode

* von is white and nerdy and i can't believe the judges liked his performance

* my sushi is delicious even though they charged me $1 for salad dressing

* what's with the rubber leggings?

* i don't get the shopping thing either, simon

* why do they keep letting super young people thru and then say they're too young to know what they're doing? a lot of these kids would do better if they waited a few years...

* the dorky kid has a good voice but come on. total dork. i don't like how he's doing that growly voice thing during an elton john song. he's all over the place. the judges just ripped him a new one. i think they let him thru just so they could do that. a'holes.

* abba? really? wow, that girl f'd up that song bad. even though she was "cute as a button". what does a 16 year old know about making an abba song contemporary?

* when i see commercials for nexxus dualiste, it makes me think of zoolander and derelicte

* ju'not joiner is good...i can tell who he'd be as an artist and he's making it his own (i could be an idol judge). but i don't get that delilah song, what's the big whoop?

* nathaniel needs some tough love and a shrink but he gets HUGE points for singing meatloaf. his voice was way less queeny than he is.

* damn, this show moves so fucking slowly

* oh jeez. blind dude. does he get automatic sympathy votes? ooh, now i'm the a'hole.
still, he has an afromullet that he probably doesn't even know he has cuz he can't see it and his song is boring me to tears. but he's nice

* i didn't realize how much i worship my DVR...commercials are boooorrrrinnnnggggg and there are sooooooo manyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy of themmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

* nice jorge, nice one baby

* final thoughts:
von's gone
so is taylor
so is dorky guy
buh buy 16 yr old
i hope ju'not joiner stays
and that kristen two-tone hair goes
i'd like to see nathanial go thru, but it's not likely
who's felicia barton?
blind guy...just...blind guy
see ya country girl
yay jorge
yay lil rounds

* i will spare you from live blogging during bachelor after the final rose

Does God Hate the Stimulus?

The stimulus may have passed the Senate, but it fails a more important test: God’s. That, at least, is what former Arkansas Governor and Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee is alleging. “The dust is settling on the ‘bipartisan’ stimulus bill and one thing is clear: It is anti-religious,” Huckabee wrote in an email. He continued, “We cannot afford to sit round one out, because if we do, they will only become more emboldened and their grab for power more audacious and damaging to our country and our freedoms.”

WTF'nF?

this is not an all bruce blog, but...

...he's just so f'n AWESOME.

he's waging an all-out war against ticketmaster because of their "shifty Internet sales policies" and has published the following letter on his website. Even the NJ attorney general is getting involved...damn, bruce RULES.

A LETTER TO OUR FANS:
We know there was much confusion regarding Ticketmaster and TicketsNow during last Monday's on-sale dates. We were as confused as you were, as we were given no advance notice of the major changes in the Ticketmaster-TicketsNow world. (Bear in mind that we are not clients of any ticketing company, and that all those arrangements are between venues and ticketing companies.)

Last Monday, we were informed that Ticketmaster was redirecting your log-in requests for tickets at face value, to their secondary site TicketsNow, which specializes in up-selling tickets at above face value. They did this even when other seats remained available at face value. We condemn this practice.

We perceive this as a pure conflict of interest. Ticketmaster is there to ensure that we have a good, fair sale of our tickets at their face value plus normal ticketing charges. TicketsNow is supposed to be a secondary site where people who already have tickets may exchange, trade, and, unfortunately, speculate with them. We have asked this redirection from Ticketmaster to TicketsNow cease and desist immediately and Ticketmaster has agreed to do so in the future and has removed its unwanted material from their and our site.

We know the many cynical arguments some make in favor of the Ticketmaster system: There are rumors that some artists or managers participate in Ticketmaster charges--we do not. There are rumors that some artists or managers are receiving a percentage of the amount above face value at secondary outlets like TicketsNow--we do not. Some artists or managers may not perceive there to be a conflict between having the distributor of their tickets in effect "scalping" those same tickets through a secondary company like TicketsNow--we do.

heh heh heh

is there anybody ALIVE out there??!!!??

not exactly the legacy he was hoping for

A monument to a shoe thrown at former President Bush is unveiled at the Tikrit Orphanage complex.

A huge sculpture of the footwear hurled at President Bush in December during a trip to Iraq has been unveiled in a ceremony at the Tikrit Orphanage complex.

andrew's gonna love this

check this site out

so hot he burns holes in the ground when he walks...

President Barack Obama signs his first act as president, a proclamation declaring a national day of renewal and reconciliation and calling on Americans to serve one another, after being sworn in as the 44th President of the United States during the inaugural ceremony in Washington Tuesday, Jan. 20, 2009.

See more amazing pictures here, of people all around the world watching the ceremony.

hip hip hooray

big. fat. duh.

BOOOOO new trop!

lowbrow despicable indeed

2nd avenue and 9th street

jack's back!!!!

from "100 random facts about jack bauer"

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

If Jack Bauer gives you his word that you'll get your deal, then he really means it. Unless you killed David Palmer. Then you're fucked.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Jack Bauer can kill 100% of whatever the fuck he wants.

Jack Bauer was once charged with attempted murder in Los Angeles County, but the judge dropped all charges because Jack Bauer never "attempts" murder.

It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

When Jack learned that Audrey was killed in a car accident in China, one billion asians crapped their pants.

Jack Bauer once opened a can of whoop ass. All he found inside was a mirror.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.